Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
