What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
