shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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