party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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