I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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