He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
