If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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