Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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