I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
