3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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