She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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