That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
