she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
