I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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