Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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