We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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