so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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