I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
