Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My life is pants optional.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
