Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
