I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
