I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
