it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Never underestimate the power of titties
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