i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize