if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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