I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
