I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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