Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
smell my finger.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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