I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
