the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
