My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
