i just google imaged poop.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
