so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
