i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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