When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
