i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
