The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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