I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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