Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
