Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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