What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
