i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
