Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
