I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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