Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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