why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
