have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
