i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
