it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
