see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
