Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Enjoy the penises
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
