I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
