Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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