Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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