I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
