Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
