What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
