She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
