Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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