i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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