it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
