I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
