That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
