every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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