Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
