I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
