the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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