College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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