There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
