ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
3 2 1 whiskey
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
