so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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