if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
